


Scars are deeper then we know

by Hellangelofdeath



Category: Star Trek
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Fat Shaming, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Child Abuse, Scars, Self-Blame, Self-Hatred, Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 07:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7836292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellangelofdeath/pseuds/Hellangelofdeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you can't find a place where you're safe, you start to lose your safety everywhere, this has been Scotty for his whole life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars are deeper then we know

**Author's Note:**

> If you have a problem with any of the things, please don't read if it upsets you.

How long can you spend alone before you start to resent people? How long can the body survive below freezing temperatures before it starts to shut down? But answers are unknown to Scotty. He has spent all of his life alone. His parents had not cared that he existed, they had cared more about drugs and alcohol then their own son. Each winter they would leave him outside just so that they didn’t have to look at him around the house. 

Food became an almost strange thing to think about when he was younger, even we he was older he didn’t find the idea of having three meals a day normal. For him normal was having one meal a week if he was well behaved, which he was even if his parents didn’t believe that. When he went onto the enterprise, he was shocked that people tried to get him to eat something every day. The doctor had even pulled him into his office so that they could talk about his eating habits. He had lied and said that he never ate much in general since it was easier than talking about the fact that it made him ill to eat because it had been so long since he had a decent meal each day.

He could never tell them, they didn’t have to known how much of a failure he was. Little did he know he know that the rest of the crew where worried about him. “Jim. He barely eats anything, it hasn’t affected him so it must be a habit from years ago”. Bones mumbled with worry in his voice. “Let’s go see him” Jim suggested to his crew. That’s how they ended up in the situation now looking at Scotty’s bare back that was covered in scars, some been burns, belt marks and knife wounds. Words were also carved into his back. 

The words carved in his back where ‘worthless’, ’freak’, ’stupid’ and lots more, they could also tell that they were lots more scars on his front. That’s when Scotty turned to face them and they saw that he had the word ‘Fat’ carved into his stomach but he was far from it they could see each of his ribs, some looked like they never healed from some sort of abuse. 

Bones slowly walked over, “Scotty, how long has long has it been since you ate a meal every day” he said quietly as to not shock the other man. Scotty paused and thought for a second “I was 7 when they stopped feeding me every day, they said that kids that are fat such not get food” then it dawned on Scotty that he had just told the crew and they were lost likely going to make him leave now. His breathing started to speed up, how could he have been so stupid to think that someone would want him, he was just a freak, the thoughts ran through his head a mile a minute. Bones noticed the signs that Scotty was having a panic attack. “okay, I know that it’s really hard for you to breathe right now, but I need you to follow my breathing, can you do that” Scotty slowly nodded his head and watched bones breathing. In and out, in and out. “ there we go buddy, in and out that’s it”

After some time when Scotty’s breathing was back to normal he mumbled “please don’t make me leave the ship, I’m really sorry about been a freak” Bones looked at Scotty and raised his hand to pull the man into a hug, but Scotty filched back, “I’m just going to give you a hug, I’m also not going to hurt you” he broke off and looked at the rest of the crew, together they said “we would never make you leave the ship” Scotty smiled happily and hugs bones, “want to tell us what happened buddy, you don’t have to” Bones asks Scotty as he lays his head on the other man’s head. “is it alright if I tell you all another time” Scotty says quietly not looking at the rest of the crew, afraid that he would see anger in their eyes at his suggestion. “That’s no problem mister Scott” Spock said after he noticed that Scotty kept his gaze to the floor.

It was months after the crew found out about Scotty’s scars, they had all got closer, this also meant that they all made sure that Scotty ate a least one meal every day, if he doesn’t want to they don’t force him, since it might bring back bad memories from when he was younger. One day he sat the crew down and told them story of his abusive parents. How they both always high on drugs or drunk out of their minds, even when they were sober they didn’t act any differently, they still treated him like a piece of dirt. When he started to gain weight when he was 6 his parents were angry, so they started stopped feeding him when he was 7 he had his last decent meal before he almost stopped eating all together, this had been the age that his father had carved the word fat into his skin.

After that his parents beat him everyday, on the bad days his father picked up a knife and carved words into his back, then he used the belt. He never had someone that cared, his mother would burn out her cigarettes on his skin, making bad burns that left scars. He told the crew of how Starfleet had been an escape from reality, somewhere that he could feel safe. It had been that way until he had messed up a test and got himself sent to a ice planet to live alone like always since he always messed it up for others. At this Bones hugged Scotty and just said “it’s fine now buddy, you’re safe now”.


End file.
